Linda was sitting on the couch. Thinking. Just thinking. The past eight months of dating Bob had been a whirlwind. They decided to be exclusive about four months into the relationship. When they first started dating the sex was great, and his little habits were cute. She happily overlooked his [RED FLAG] domineering personality because he seemed so confident.
Of course, there was also a series of [RED FLAG] little white lies that didn’t make sense. Small things, seemingly, like the year he graduated college, or his job title. Sometimes she’d leave a message for Bob and send him a text, and not hear back from him for a week. Bob had asked her to do his laundry a few times, and seemed irritated that his shirts weren’t folded “just right.”
Linda had made a special, romantic dinner for Bob last week. He didn’t appreciate how hard it was to make the salmon lemon butter piccata he ordered from restaurants. [RED FLAG] “It was a little too salty,” he said. He didn’t say “thank you” or “I really appreciate this.”
“That makeup looks a little slutty,” [RED FLAG] he said one day when he stopped by her office unexpectedly.
And in the whole eight months they’ve been together, he’d never said, [RED FLAG] “I love you.” And now he wants to move in. “I’m going to move in. You know, so I can save some money.”
Linda felt like she was at a crossroads. The insults were starting to affect how she felt about herself. She was dressing differently, and stressing out about how to fold his laundry.
Her gut was telling her that she needed to break this off. At the same time, she was afraid of being alone again. Should she let him move in? How long can she deal with this? What should Linda do?
This is an extreme, made-up scenario, but also not totally off the reality reservation either. Many women have been in a relationship with someone who displayed at least one of these huge red flags.
If you find yourself with a guy like this, dump his ass, kick him to the proverbial curb, and move on. Change the locks. Throw away the mattress too because you need to get rid of all of his stanky sex mojo.
Real talk – a guy like Bob is a straight up douche.
The cold hard truth is this: Even if you believe you love him to the moon and back, even if he “thinks” he loves you, a son of a bitch will always be a son of a bitch.
No matter how much you try to wash it, bleach it, or wax it, an a**hole will be an a**hole forever. Oh sure, he might change, but that can take years, and he has to want to change. Are you going to wait out this roller coaster ride while allowing your confidence and pride shrivel up and die?
When a man disregards you, tells lies, and is too controlling, it’s a recipe for disaster. In fact, most of these red flags are signs of emotional abuse which will often quickly lead to physical abuse. Once that starts, it will not stop.
Here’s the thing. The voice in your head is your gut screaming at you and you have to listen to it. Get out.
Some guys just aren’t worth it, and there is someone better out there. You are worthy of someone who will appreciate you and love you the way you deserve.
So dump that bastard. (Since you asked.)
Hey, here’s a handy-dandy cheat sheet for how to identify an A**hole:
Red Flag 1 – Disrespect for people in general.
Does he say “thank you” to wait staff or people in the service industry? Often people who don’t tip (or tip poorly) don’t know how to show their appreciation. They “expect” to be served.
Red Flag 2 – Mistreating other women in his life.
When a man talks about his mother, sister, or female coworkers disrespectfully, you can be sure that you’ll eventually have your time in the barrel. These women must have done something (in his eyes) to lose his respect. Does he expect them to be perfect? Does he expect you to be perfect? That’s a lot of pressure.
Red Flag 3 – Dishonesty.
Police have a saying: little lies lead to big lies. Meaning, if someone is willing to lie about something seemingly harmless or small, what else are they willing to lie about? Can you expect someone who tells little white lies to be truthful when it comes to life’s major challenges? If he lies now, he will lie always. Dump him.
Red Flag 4 – Controlling, or overly critical behavior.
Everyone has preferences about how they like their food prepared, how they like their clothes arranged, how they like their sex, and on and on, but if he’s saying things like“the clothes are folded wrong, do it again” (overly critical) or “that makeup makes you look slutty,” (degrading you and telling you what to wear) realize this is a slippery slope that can quickly lead to emotional or physical abuse. Other precursors to abuse include controlling who you spend your time with, like friends, coworkers, and family members.
Red Flag 5 – Lack of sympathy.
Pay attention to how your man acts when you experience a loss or setback. For example, if you lost your job suddenly, how would he act? Would he be sympathetic? Think about how he reacts when your pet gets sick and you’re worried. Or when you need to change plans to help a family member or friend. Understand that if he’s an a**hole boyfriend now, he will be an a**hole husband and a shitty father.
Red Flag 6 – Unprovoked or unnecessary jealousy.
Does he lose his shit when you talk to a male friend? Does he lose his shit when you talk to ANY man – even the grocery checkout guy? Does he think that everyone on earth is trying to steal you away from him? Does he pick fights with guys who try to talk to you in a bar? Does he use his jealousy to tell you who you can and can’t hang out with?
Red Flag 7 – Emotionally or physically abusive.
Sometimes people don’t understand when they’re being emotionally abused. Does he say things that make you feel “less than?” Does he disregard your feelings when you speak up for yourself? Does he expect perfection from you at all times? What happens when you don’t do things “just right?” In many cases, emotional abuse is a precursor to physical abuse.
No man is worth risking your life. If you’re in an emotionally or physically abusive relationship, there are a lot of resources and organizations you can reach out to. Here is a good place to start: http://www.thehotline.org/resources/.
This “a**hole identification” list is not comprehensive. There are many other ways that an a**hole will expose himself and you have to stay vigilant.
It’s not your job to try to change an a**hole into a good person. You’re reading this to learn how to Make Him Worship You. You deserve to be worshiped, and if your man is mistreating you, lying, being controlling emotionally, or physically abusing you…then he does not deserve your love.
