Carol stared at Kevin with confusion and wondered what was going through his head. What made him act this way? Why did she sometimes find him subtly staring at a girl walking down the street when Carol was right there in front of him? “What do these other women have that I don’t? Why am I not enough for him? Is there something wrong with me?”
Carol. My dear, my darling, honey. You ARE gorgeous, you ARE enough for him and there is nothing wrong with you!
Doesn’t that feel great?
It’s not about you.
It’s got nothing to do with you. The reason men ogle at other women is because it’s in our biological programming. Our brains and bodies are swimming in testosterone. You remember testosterone, right? The hormone that makes you magnetically attracted to him (especially when you’re ovulating, by the way)?
Well testosterone is the reason he stands strongly, proudly, and confidently. It’s behind the competitive nature and “provider drive” of your man. And …
Testosterone is also the dick’s navigation system.
And that really is the way you should think about it. Men can’t help it when they’re attracted to a woman. Sexual attraction and physical impulse are involuntary.
If you could put yourself in a man’s body for one day—just a day—you would be amazed at how many times your eyes are drawn to women’s breasts. You’d be overwhelmed by how often you have to stand behind a counter to conceal an ill-timed erection. And frankly, you might think it’s a little funny when you feel compelled to masturbate when you think of Tiffani Thiessen with her “Saved by the Bell” hair.
A man can’t control the compulsion to look at a sexy woman.
Here’s why:
Evolutionarily speaking, eyeballs are just receptors that gather information for the body and brain.
“Do I need that?”
“Do I want that?”
“Can it hurt me?”
“Can I fuck it?”
That’s the job of the eyeballs.
Now, while testosterone is the brain’s navigation system, it’s not fully in charge. Men are sentient beings. So, yeah, he might glance at other women. He can’t control that. He can control whether he ogles, catcalls, and makes an ass of himself. Unless he’s on some drug that has his testosterone levels on complete overdrive, he can definitely control his actions when it comes to those urges and impulses.
So while testosterone is a navigator, the brain and moral center steer the ship.
You can get mad, wish and pray that he doesn’t look at other women’s boobs or think about having sex with them. But it’s more productive to accept the biological reality of it and move on. It’s not about you.
Urges = can’t control.
Actions = can control.
How can you use this Testosterone Telepathy to your advantage?
Remember, testosterone is responsible for a whole lot of who he is. Your attraction to him, his leadership, confidence, and willingness to assert himself are all navigated by testosterone. Compliment him and amplify these strengths. Validate his navigator (testosterone and masculine qualities) and simultaneously create an imprint with the captain of the ship (his brain.)
YOU are the person giving positive reinforcement to his ego and brain. Nurture this strategy and he will be soft, sticky, gelatinous, putty in your hands. Do this, and he will worship you.
Here are some ideas that you can use to Validate His Navigation System and Simultaneously Imprint YOURSELF as the Positive Feminine Force in His Life.
Sexual Validation
If/when you see your man notice another woman, acknowledge it. Don’t get mad, have fun with it. “Wow, she is hot. I think my boobs are bigger than hers, though.” “Nice ass, too.”
Provider Drive Validation
When he struggles with financial or control issues in the workplace, remind him of how much you appreciate his hard work. Even if you make more money than him, it’s important to validate his efforts to provide for you.
Protector Validation
Men are wired to procreate and protect. Whenever you can, acknowledge the things he does right. Even if he gets things wrong 99% of the time, talk about the 1% that he gets right. Does he help the kids with homework? Does he massage your feet after you’ve been standing all day? Thank him. Tell him you love him. Be soft with him.
What are some other ways you can validate your man’s Primal Drivers?
Give this some serious thought and write down your own ideas. Try the ones listed I have listed above as well. You’re going to be amazed at the results.
