TRANSCRIPT OF THE VIDEO
Here we are. We are on Part 5: Respect and Feeding His Masculinity. This is where we’re going to talk about what men really need to be able to worship you, specifically what you can do and say to make him see you as the one woman in his life he would never want to lose. It’s where the rubber hits the road, as I say.
Let’s say, the key to getting a man to worship you is to show that you respect him. Respect is a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements. For a man, I will tell you right now, respect is more important than love. A man would rather be respected by the woman in his life than loved by her. The respect of the woman he loves is intoxicating for a man. It fills him with pride and power and inspires him to be the best man he can be.
Love means affection. Love means I care about you. I mean, you care about a baby, for instance. You don’t necessarily respect a baby. Why would you? That baby has done anything, but you certainly love them. Respect is about admiration. Respect is about looking up to someone. How can you look up to him and see him as powerful and love seeing him as powerful? Unfortunately, in media, in modern media, men are generally shown as hopeless idiots and man-babies not worthy of respect. Watch any sitcom these days, really, any at all, and you will not see men being respected. You’ll see men who are acting like and being treated like idiots, usually by their long-suffering but much more competent and more intelligent wives.
For instance, let’s look at Claire and Phil Dumphy from, Dunphy, Dumphy, from the show Modern Family. Claire’s attitude towards Phil is not one of respect whatsoever. She does love Phil. You’ve seen that in many episodes if you watch the show that she cares about Phil, she loves Phil. “I love him, but he’s an idiot who would light the kids on fire. Also, I don’t want to have sex with him.”
Claire does not have respect for Phil. She has contempt for Phil, and contempt is the opposite of respect. It’s a feeling that you do not admire him in any way, you do not see him as competent in any way. Respect, again, is a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements. I’m repeating this several times because it’s important.
What does Claire admire about Phil? Nothing. She admires his delusion. He tied his shoes “all myself.” I mean, he Velcroed them. “Hey, they’re on my feet, and I didn’t even break an ankle. It counts.” She doesn’t admire anything about him. He is a clown, and he is, in many ways, what masculinity is shown to be in our modern world. It’s either incompetent beta male behavior, or it’s toxic.
Most men… well, most women are taught to treat men as disappointments who need to be changed or trained. That’s how most women act towards men. They might show a little bit of respect at the very beginning, but as soon as you’ve got the guy, that changes to contempt and expectations and feeling disappointed, “How are you not being the Prince Charming that I have always been told you’re supposed to be?” We’ve talked about letting go of this idea of Prince Charming.
But by respecting a man, being one of very few women who actually respect a man, you will feed his masculine soul and inspire him to be the best man he can be. Also, by the way, if you actually focus on what you respect about a man, it will drastically increase your own personal desire to have sex with him because, for women, respect and seeing a man being powerful is incredibly erotic.
Respect is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you tell or show him that you respect him for an ability or trait, he will want to live up to that ability or trait. Tell him that he is powerful and competent, and he will act more powerfully and competent because he likes the way it feels.
Respecting a man and feminism are not mutually exclusive. Sometimes people will say this kind of thing. They’ll say, “Michael, but if I show him respect, doesn’t that show that I feel like I am lesser in some way?” Well, not at all. Men are different than women, plain and simple. We’re not better. Respecting the difference is what leads to relationship awesomeness.
Really, one of the biggest issues we have in our culture these days is this idea that men and women are kind of the same. It seems like if you even put something out where you’re saying, “Hey, men and women are different in different ways,” if you post that on social media, you’re suddenly attacked by these hordes of people. Doesn’t mean, like I said, it doesn’t mean women are less good, men are more good. Just means that we are different, and we need different things. Women really do not need to feel respected as much in relationships as men do. Most women need to feel protected, loved, adored, treasured, worshiped, but not necessarily respected. Respect is nice to have, but it isn’t necessary, just like love is nice to have for a man, but it isn’t really necessary.
Breaking down a little bit more, deep admiration of his abilities, traits, or achievements. We’re going to take each of these in turn. An ability is a talent, proficiency, or skill in some area. It’s what he does or is capable of doing. You want to learn how to praise him and show respect for his specific talents and skills and also his general competence and power.
His specific talents and skills are things that he is passionate about or good at, even if it’s not something you would typically be impressed by. Maybe he’s in a band. Maybe he’s a good at work. Maybe he’s really good at baseball. Maybe he’s great at playing video games. Maybe he’s a professional video game player at the very top of his field with the ability to move a mouse in a way most people can’t.
But the way you show respect for him in this area is to tell him you admire him and also to brag about him to others. Tell him, “You’re such an amazing dad. I love listening to you play guitar. God, seeing you play soccer turns me on,” or to other people, “Jim is seriously the best graphic designer in the city. I wish I could do that. You make it look so easy.” Don’t overdo it. A lot can go a long way.
But simply telling him that you admire him, again, focus on what you like about him and admire him as opposed to things that you criticize him for. Criticism will not get you anywhere. It never gets anyone anywhere. The carrot is much more powerful than the stick. All that happens when you criticize somebody is you find themselves not wanting to spend time with you.
We can also respect a man’s general competence and power. You can trust his judgment without always second-guessing. Go to him to ask his advice or help for things. Assume his best intentions unless proven otherwise. Treat him like he is strong, reliable, and powerful, like you feel safe with him, like he is the alpha male, like he in charge.
Now, in previous videos, we talked about the whole ape thing and how men need to feel powerful. We desperately want to feel that alpha male kind of thing, but you want to show that you see him as admirable and competent in general. A few examples would be, “I always feel so safe going out with you at night. Other guys never bother me when you’re around.” My wife says that to me. She often treats me like a powerful alpha male, and that makes me feel really happy. “Can you help me build this Ikea desk?” I know, I know. It works. It seems so stupid, but really, men love to be asked to do things and love to feel like we are competent and like you need us in some way, want us in some way.
“I always know everything is going to be okay when I’m with you.” “God, I love how you pick up how to do stuff so quickly.” Seeing him as useful in any situation, being happy he’s there, basically be saying, “Hey, in the zombie apocalypse, I want you right there next to me.” Whether it’s true or not is a whole other thing, but if you treat him like that, he will want to be that competent man.
Now, one really, really powerful way to do this that seems incredibly simple is to tell a man that he’s a good man. It’s only four words. It’s only four very, very simple words, but my wife does this to me sometimes. She’ll just look me in the eye and say, “Michael, you’re a good man,” just out of nowhere in the middle of the day.
There’s this amazing feeling of pride that wells up in me. I find my spine straightening. I find myself feeling more powerful and stronger and happier than I can otherwise, but simply taking a moment and texting him or saying that to him every couple of days, whenever it is, apropos of nothing, not for anything he really did is an amazingly powerful technique.
A trait is a distinguishing quality or characteristic typically belonging to a person, who and what he is, sees himself as, or wants to be, ideal masculine traits he can be proud of. These traits can either be physical, or they can be mental and emotional. Physical ones would be things like his ass, his arms, his shoulders, his cock, let him catch you checking him out. Be specific in your praise. “Man, your shoulders are so wide.” Flattery really will get you everywhere. Also, tell him what his physical presence does to you. “You’re so handsome,” “I love how tall you are,” “God, you’re so strong,” “I feel safe when I’m around you.” Most men never get comments on our physicality, and we really like it, actually.
I know objectification gets a really bad name, and for a good reason. Most women I know have been objectified incessantly their entire lives. That can be a really horrible thing. But for men, it’s different. Men, we don’t get objectified by women. We do occasionally get objectified by gay men but not by women. We do not know what it’s like to be catcalled while going down the street. There’s also a very different power dynamic. Because men are bigger and physically more powerful, we don’t feel endangered in the same way when someone objectifies us like women do. If you can be a woman who can actually objectify him, look at his ass, comment on his ass, comment on his arms, comment on how handsome he is and how powerful he is. You will have a tremendous leg up on other women.
You can also admire him for his character traits. There’s a whole list of them on here. I’m not going to read all of the out for you, but things like friendly, funny, brave, reliable, decisive, powerful and dominant. These traits are things that you can easily admire about a man and tell him that you admire about him or tell other people that you admire about him really whether he’s around or not because if you are the kind of person who was talking about these good things about your partner or the person that you are dating, it will get back to him in some way. My wife talks about how tenacious I am sometimes. It comes back to me, and it feels really good.
Probably the most powerful of these though is dominant. Dominant means most important, powerful, or influential. You don’t need him to be in charge, but you want him to be in some situations is kind of what we’re going for here. Now, if you think back to when we talked about masculine emotions and masculine pride a few videos ago, this idea of being dominant, this idea of being the alpha male evolutionarily is kind of what we’re designed to want. We’re designed to want this feeling of pride, of being the king, of being in charge, et cetera.
In the modern world, of course, we don’t want to give up, you don’t want to give up your power as a woman, but you want to be in a place where you can feel like, “Hey, I want him to be in charge sometimes, but I don’t need him to be.” My wife says this to me all the time. She says, “I don’t need you to protect me, but I like that you want to.” If we’re in a situation where she is being, say, hit on by somebody in a bar in an inappropriate way or something like that, I’m across the room, I don’t rush in, even though I want to. I wait for her to look me in the eye, and if she needs me to come over because the guy’s just being a total douche bag and won’t listen to her when she says that she’s married, then I will. That feeling that I am on her side and that she sees me as a powerful resource, that I am the kind of person who other men will back away from is really wonderful.
Now let’s talk about dominance in the bedroom for a minute. Of course, most people when I say this, they’re going to talk about whips and chains and thing like that, and the DS kind of master-slave relationship, et cetera. I’m not really going there with this. I’m more going the Fifty Shades of Grey route. There’s a reason that book did so very, very well to women, and that’s because in my experience doing this for a long time, many, many women want a man who can be in charge, who can take away the need to make decisions for a while.
Sex is an opportunity to safely play with power dynamics in a relationship. Being submissive to him in bed, I’m only talking about sex, can be very powerful, though some men who are very successful and dominant in their regular lives actually want to be submissive in bed.
We’re not talking about whips, chains, or handcuffs, necessarily, though that can be fun. We’re talking about playing with dominance and submission in bed as a way to use emotional triggers buried in our brains by evolution for erotic and personal pleasure. Letting someone dominate you or treating them as dominant is a way to show them you respect them and to flood their system with all sorts of fun chemicals. Dominating someone else is a way of giving them the gift of not having to make decisions.
Now, unfortunately, finding men who are comfortable unleashing their dominance can be hard in our current culture, hence why I get so many emails from women who want their men to pull their hair, but if you can be the woman in bed who is willing to serve him and basically be somebody who is interested in making him feel good, he will feel a certain level of dominance that can be very powerful for him. Now, obviously, some guys don’t really necessarily deserve this treatment, but embracing your femininity, embracing your softness, embracing your vulnerability, and allowing him to feel powerful is a wonderful thing.
Now, his accomplishments are something that he has been successfully achieved, something he has done to be the man he is today. How has he already been a success? This can be but is not always about financial success. Every man has something he has been successful at, and if not, you probably aren’t attracted to him anyway. Has he built a company, played on stage in a band, worked as an athlete, lost a bunch of weight, come from difficult circumstances, won a video game tournament, gotten a promotion? Whatever it is, you can find something he has been successful at. It only matters that you show pride in it.
All this boils down to respecting and admiring him, looking up to him and focusing on what you like about him and want more of instead of criticizing him for what you want less of. That does not mean that you ignore his flaws. It means you inspire him to be the best man you need him to be. Like I said before, criticism will not get you anywhere. Telling him you want him to be different than he is will not get you anywhere. The best way to make a man want to worship you is to essentially show him tremendous respect and inspire him to be a man who is powerful enough to want you to be his queen.
Now, I want you to go see the worksheets and supplemental material below. Next, we’re going to move on to our final video, which is about communication and asking for what you want.
